Today I’m going to continue the message series that we are doing here at WPA for the summer entitled, “The Bible’s Biggest Losers”.

One of the things I love about the Bible is that it doesn’t paint all the heroes in the stories as infallible or perfect. In fact, the Holy Spirit is careful to include the “losing” moments as well. It gives hope to all of us who read the Bible who know full well that we’re not perfect people that maybe, just maybe God can use us too!

With it being Father’s day I thought it’d be a good idea to take a look at a father from the Bible and I was drawn to talk about King David. Now, we know David as a great king of Israel and he’s even described as a “man after God’s own heart”. We know the story of David and Goliath, and the incredible odds he overcame to fulfill the anointing God placed on his life as a King of God’s people. David was so great that one of the titles for the Messiah, Jesus Christ is “Son of David” tying the human lineage of Jesus to David himself. What an honor.

However, those familiar with King David also know that there are some tragic stories in David’s life where he failed dramatically and it cost him dearly. If you want to read up on the incredible story of David and his reign over Israel you can find it in 1 Samuel 16-31, all of 2 Samuel, 1 Kings 1-2, and 1 Chronicles 11-29. You can also get a feel for David’s passions and artistry by reading many of the Psalms he wrote.

Today, we’re going to zero in on a particularly tragic moment in David’s life in 2 Samuel 18,

5 The king commanded Joab, Abishai and Ittai, “Be gentle with the young man Absalom for my sake.” And all the troops heard the king giving orders concerning Absalom to each of the commanders. 6 The army marched into the field to fight Israel, and the battle took place in the forest of Ephraim. 7 There the army of Israel was defeated by David’s men, and the casualties that day were great–twenty thousand men. 8 The battle spread out over the whole countryside, and the forest claimed more lives that day than the sword. 9 Now Absalom happened to meet David’s men. He was riding his mule, and as the mule went under the thick branches of a large oak, Absalom’s head got caught in the tree. He was left hanging in midair, while the mule he was riding kept on going. 10 When one of the men saw this, he told Joab, “I just saw Absalom hanging in an oak tree.” 11 Joab said to the man who had told him this, “What! You saw him? Why didn’t you strike him to the ground right there? Then I would have had to give you ten shekels of silver and a warrior’s belt.” 12 But the man replied, “Even if a thousand shekels were weighed out into my hands, I would not lift my hand against the king’s son. In our hearing the king commanded you and Abishai and Ittai, ‘Protect the young man Absalom for my sake.’ 13 And if I had put my life in jeopardy–and nothing is hidden from the king–you would have kept your distance from me.” 14 Joab said, “I’m not going to wait like this for you.” So he took three javelins in his hand and plunged them into Absalom’s heart while Absalom was still alive in the oak tree. 15 And ten of Joab’s armor-bearers surrounded Absalom, struck him and killed him. 16 Then Joab sounded the trumpet, and the troops stopped pursuing Israel, for Joab halted them..
2 Samuel 18:5-18 (NIV)

In this snapshot of David’s life I chose to begin with the words of David instructing 3 of his generals to be gentle with his son Absalom. Yet dramatically, we discover that they are far from gentle. In fact, Absalom’s life is brutally taken. How did things get to this point? How did things get to the point where Absalom is leading the army of Israel against his father King David? How did things get to the point where David’s generals would kill his son?

To understand the answer to that question I did some reading over the story of David’s life and I’m going to give you a quick rundown of some things I discovered about his children:

• The Bible names for us 19 sons and 1 daughter that David had but there is the suggestion that he had many more that were born to his concubines.
• Of those children we gain greater insight into the lives of five: Amnon, Absalom, Adonijah, Solomon and Tamar:
  • Amnon rapes his half-sister Tamar
  • Tamar is Absalom’s full-sister and when he hears of Amnon’s deed he is furious and plots revenge. He rigs up a celebratory party and invites all his brothers including Amnon to the party where he has his people murder Amnon
  • Absalom is banished from the kingdom for two years to his grandfather’s (on his mother’s side) land and when is returned to Israel he plots to take the kingdom from his father David. Absalom ends up heading up this conspiracy against King David that hit its peak when he had himself crowned King in Hebron and David fled Jerusalem.
  • Absalom raped his father’s concubines when he arrived in Jerusalem.
  • Absalom leads Israel’s armies out to battle David and his men and they lose (as we’ve already read)
  • Adonijah follows in Absalom’s footsteps and plots to undermine David’s authority and steal the kingdom from him but is kept from doing so when King David is informed by the plot and accelerates the crowning of Solomon as King.

It is clear as you read the story of David and his family that David had some faults. From the example of David and the teaching of scripture I’d like to spend a few minutes today answering the question, “How to fail as a father”. Some of you men here today are fathers. Some of you are going to be a father in the coming months. Some of you know someone who is a father or who is going to be a father. Listen up, because I think God has something to say to you today. For the rest of you I also want you to listen carefully because I’m going to share with you how God as our father doesn’t fail!

Now I need to make a couple things clear.

One, there is the reality that each person is responsible for the actions he/she takes in life. Just because a father fails doesn’t necessarily guarantee that his children will do terrible things or live fruitless lives. Just because a father succeeds doesn’t necessarily guarantee that his children will live exemplary lives and be Godly individuals. But a good father will increase the positive potential for their children.

Two, as you listen to this message you may discover some areas where you may be failing as a father or have failed. Don’t allow this discovery to discourage you but instead take it as a challenge to do something about it. Placed before you is the opportunity to make changes so that what you discover is no longer true in your life as a father. Even as I was preparing this message there were some things the Holy Spirit nudged me about that I need to work on in my own life as the father to my children. Being a father is hard work, and no father is perfect. The biggest losers are not those who fail, but those who let their failure define their future actions and decisions because they become comfortable with that failure.

How to fail as a father…

1. Don’t spend time with your children.

This is obvious but so easily forgotten. You want to decrease the positive potential in your children then don’t spend time with them. The next few points I make are dependent on the time that you invest in your kids.

King David teaches us that it doesn’t matter how important of a role you play in the world – your most important role is the one you have in your family as father. If you don’t spend time with your kids then you are abdicating that role.

In King David’s story it is revealing that when Absalom was plotting to get revenge on his brother Amnon for raping his sister he went to his father…well let’s just read it:

23 Two years later, when Absalom’s sheepshearers were at Baal Hazor near the border of Ephraim, he invited all the king’s sons to come there. 24 Absalom went to the king and said, “Your servant has had shearers come. Will the king and his officials please join me?” 25 “No, my son,” the king replied. “All of us should not go; we would only be a burden to you.” Although Absalom urged him, he still refused to go, but gave him his blessing.
2 Samuel 13:23-25 (NIV)

Now why would Absalom even bother to invite his father to come to the celebration knowing full well that if David accepted he wouldn’t be able to pull off what he had planned? Here’s the thing. Absalom had to give the appearance to David that nothing was up by inviting him but Absalom knew that David probably wouldn’t accept. How would Absalom know that? Because of the pattern David had set in his life of not spending time with his children.

Not only that but did you catch the excuse David gave for not attending? “I don’t think I should come, I don’t want to be a burden to you”. What kind of lame excuse is that? I wonder how many lame excuses like that David had given in to his sons when they wanted to go riding horses with him, or have him teach them how to throw a spear, tuck them in at night, or be at their birthday parties?

What are the lame excuses you give your kids for backing out of spending time with them?

I remember once my daughter Jenna came to me and gave me a hug after I spent some time wrestling with her and my other three children (getting to be more dangerous the older they get!) and she said, “Thanks Daddy”. I asked her, “Thanks for what?” “Thanks for spending time with us Daddy” and I said, “Daddy always has time for you guys” Then Jenna floored me, “Sometimes Daddy, but you’re always on your blackberry or the ‘puter”.

BAM! What a gut-wrenching thing to hear from Jenna. I realized I was failing as a father because my daughter was seeing me on the computer and the blackberry more than she was seeing me with her. Which brings me to an important point,

The amount of time is secondary to the quality of your time.

Paul writes to the fathers in the Ephesian church, “Don’t provoke to anger (or exasperate) your children” (Eph. 6:4). Do you know one of the easiest ways to exasperate your children? When you’re in the same room or the same house, or around you’re kids but you’re not really there. When you are present in body but not present in any other way. Kids pick up on that, they know when you’re around but not really present. That is what affects the quality of the time you spend with your children.

As I said earlier spending time with your children is foundational for any of the other things you do as a father with your children…let’s continue (How to fail as a father…)

2. Don’t discipline your kids (or forgive them either).

Listen to this revealing statement about David’s failure as a father,

6 Now his father, King David, had never disciplined him at any time, even by asking, “Why are you doing that?” (1 Kings 1:6)

The context of this sentence is that Adonijah had begun boasting that he will make himself king and got some chariots and charioteers and recruited fifty men to run in front of him. Yet, it appears as though David is oblivious to this.

What about the rape of David’s daughter Tamar by his son Amnon? All scripture records for us is that David got really angry….um with nothing else. It appears that he didn’t even tend to his daughter for scripture records that Tamar retreated to the home of her brother Abasalom a “desolate woman”. I wonder what seeds of resentment were born in Absalom’s heart towards his father because of the lack action by David in disciplining Amnon?

Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them.
Proverbs 13:24 (NLT)

Those words were written by David’s son Solomon. I wonder, if Solomon was thinking of the things he saw as a child as a result of the lack of disciplining in his brothers lives?

Where does spending time come in with discipline? If you don’t spend time with your kids then you won’t know what discipline is effective in instructing your kids on the right and wrong in life. (share about how my children differ in what discipline works best in reinforcing boundaries). If you don’t spend time with your children then how will you know WHAT needs to receive discipline?

3. Don’t pass on any spiritual heritage (don’t let you kids know how much you love Jesus) – oh, and don’t pray for your kids either!

Scripture teaches us that David had a rich relationship with God and spent time with Him. But how much of that relationship did David pass on to his sons? Very little it seems because of his not spending time with them.

Want to fail as a father? Don’t pass on any spiritual heritage…let’s think about his…

To begin with, obviously, you can’t pass on any spiritual heritage if you don’t have any. If you don’t cultivate any relationship with God your self then you’re definitely not going to pass anything to your kids.

4 Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. 5 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.
Deuteronomy 6:4-5 (NIV)

Second, if you don’t spend any time with your kids and let them observe how much Jesus means to you and guides you in your daily life then you aren’t going to pass on any spiritual heritage.

6 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.
Deuteronomy 6:6-7 (NIV)

Third, passing on a spiritual heritage doesn’t mean that you have a game face for when you around your kids and a hang loose face when you are not. You need to be authentic with your children. They need to know what living as a Christian is really like. They need to know what to do when they mess up from learning by what you do when you mess up. They need to see you live out authentically what you are learning together as you read God’s word and as you make decisions.

This brings me to the next point – to fail as a father…

4. Don’t recognize and value the influence you have in your children’s lives. In other words, don’t fight for your kids.

The reality is, especially in today’s world – there are many things competing for the influence of your children. The saddest thing is that there are many fathers abdicating their role as the primary influence in their child’s life. The amount of positive influence you have in your children’s lives is proportional to the amount of quality time you spend with them.

David had tremendous influence as the God’s anointed king of Israel and he had tremendous influence as a mighty warrior but his influence as a father in his children’s lives was withered because of the limited time he spent with them, his poor discipline of them, and the limited spiritual heritage he passed on to many of them.

Listen carefully Fathers and this applies to mothers as well – parents ARE the primary influencers in their children’s lives. You influence them even when you don’t engage with them. If you fail to recognize the affect of your influence in their lives then you are missing the greatest opportunity God has given you to build positive potential into your children’s lives.

Here’s an important question when it comes to influence…Can you say to your children, ‘Live like I do with NO exceptions? In other words, do you have exceptions to following Christ, like “except for my anger” or “except for my looking at other women”? Don’t think for a minute that David’s sons behaviors weren’t influenced in any way by the activities they saw in their father’s life (David and Bathsheba for example).

When it comes to the important stuff in life don’t leave it to what their peers say, what the school says, or what they read or see. Be on the constant look out for opportunities to be a positive influence in your child’s life!

CONCLUSION

So what are you going to do about it the answers to, “how to fail as a father”? Are you going to get hung up on how you failed as a father or are you going to pursue the responsibility God has given you and be a good father to your children?

I want to finish off with the reinforcement this morning that one of the ways God wants us to relate to Him is to see Him as our Father. Why? Because as our Father God is forever working to build within us increasing positive potential to be better, to do better, and to live the better life He wants for all of us WITH HIM! Do you realize how much he cares about you?

• God has unlimited time to spend with you and is ALWAYS available. Do you seize the opportunity to spend time with him? Even more He is fully present when you are fully present. Even more, He understands everything you go through, everything you think about, everything about who you are…even more than you understand
• God cares enough to discipline when necessary. Do you receive or reject that discipline? Do you understand His desire that you would achiever your POTENTIAL?
• Think about it: Just as a parent disciplines a child, the Lord your God disciplines you for your own good.
  • Deuteronomy 8:5 (NLT)
  • God is perfect but He never expects us to be perfect. He requires it, yes, because He is holy, but He made it possible for us to attain perfection via the willing sacrifice He himself made as Jesus Christ. God wants us to be like him. He wants us to be like Jesus. He wants us to be better and KNOWS OUR POTENTIAL. In some ways, God knows that we fail, and He knows that we fall short of the mark – which IS WHY HE IS READY TO PICK US UP AGAIN AND MAKE IT POSSIBLE FOR US TO MOVE FORWARD. (
• He cares enough to make possible incredible spiritual resources in the scriptures, in the church, and in the investment of Himself as the Holy Spirit.
• Finally, know that God as our Father FIGHTS for you. Not in the sense that He always takes on your battles but that HE makes sure you have every possibility to know Him as the primary influence in your life. HE paid the ULTIMATE price so you could know Him as YOUR Father. Maybe you’ve lived a life where no one has fought for you. Maybe you are even feeling that way right now. You need to know this morning that God fights for you – HE wants you as His child, He DOESN’T WANT YOU to know the pain of hell, the pain of eternal separation from Him. HE’S made it possible for you to know HIM. Once you understand the wooing nature of God’s GRACE there is an irresistible pull to answer His invitation….
• As our Father God has ALWAYS initiated communication on the important stuff. From the Dawn of creation He has done so. Creation itself is God’s initiation. Of course, nothing speaks louder than the sacrifice Christ made on our behalf – what more could God do to demonstrate His love for us (and the price that must be paid for sin).

Invitation to the altar.

PRAY

Psalm 37:23-24 (NIV)

23 If the LORD delights in a man’s way, he makes his steps firm; 24 though he stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand.

INTRODUCTION

Today is Father?s Day. What a wonderful opportunity to celebrate the gift and role of Christian fathers/husbands and men! At the end of this service, we will be honoring each man that is here today by presenting them with a special gift (like the one I hold in my hand). This gift is born out of the theme for the message today which is, “Pressure can be Good!”

I would like us to realize that pressure isn?t all bad! In fact, it can be a wonderful way to bring us closer to the Lord. It?s my desire that every man in this place will be encouraged to grow and increase in his relationship with God and faithfulness in his various roles as a father/husband and Christian.

Scripture Reading: 2 Corinthians 1:8-9 - “We do not want you to be uninformed brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves. But on God, who raises the dead.”

Text: 2 Corinthians 1:8-9 ? “We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure ? but this happened that we might not rely on ourselves, but on God.”

Webster?s Dictionary defines pressure as: “force per unit area.”

Illustration:

Farm accidents are nothing new. All of us grow up hearing about our share of them. Usually it involves some piece of machinery and human error caused by over familiarity or just not recognizing the danger of the situation.

Some years ago, a pastor was called to visit a man from his congregation in a local hospital. The man had been working on the farm tractor with one of his sons. After having difficulty raising the bucket, he turned the tractor off so he could find out why he was losing hydraulic fluid pressure. He noticed that one of the hoses had a pin-sized hole in it. Wondering if this was the problem, he placed his thumb over the tiny hole and asked his son to restart the tractor. What he didn?t realize was that hydraulic fluid in the hose of a tractor, once started, exerts an incredible amount of pressure. Enough pressure, in fact, to shoot right through his thumb, bone and all! Since the human bloodstream/tissues are not accustomed to the presence of hydraulic fluid, he quickly became infected. Blood poisoning rapidly set in. By the time the minister arrived at the hospital, the man was laying in bed with his thumb 3 times its normal size, sliced open like an Octoberfest sausage so it could drain, and stuffed with gauze. For a while it looked like the thumb (and possibly more) would have to be amputated. Thankfully, this was not the case, and after a few weeks, he was well on the road to recovery and the thumb was not compromised.

Pressure, like fire, can be a positive thing, or, as in the story I?ve just shared, a very negative thing. Hydraulic fluid works well in tractors?not so well in thumbs!

Human beings experience pressures of many kinds. Many forms of pressure in our lives produce much good. When we were going to school, a certain amount of pressure was exerted on us to get good grades and to excel in our studies so that we could achieve our vocational goals. As adults, we still need to feel some pressure in our jobs so that we can know the joy of achieving, producing and meeting deadlines. This kind of pressure is considered not only good but necessary!

Unfortunately, as we look at society in general, we see evidence of the effects of negative, detrimental pressures. We only need to look at the incidence of divorce, suicide, emotional/nervous breakdown and depression to realize that there are lots of negative pressures out there, or lots of people who don?t have the tools or strength to cope with pressure, or both!

Some time ago, Time magazine reported that “in the last 30 years, doctors and health officials have realized how heavy a toll stress is taking on the nation?s well-being. According to the American Academy of Family Physicians, two-thirds of office visits to family doctors are prompted by stress-related symptoms. At the same time, leaders of industry have become alarmed by the huge cost of such symptoms in absenteeism, company medical expenses and lost productivity.” (“Stress: Can We Cope?” Time ? 6 June 1983 ? pp.48-54)

The article went on to say that the effects of stress were costing American business $50 ? 75 billion dollars/year, or more than $750 for every U.S. worker. “Stress and pressure”, Time Magazine said, “is a major contributor, either directly or indirectly, to coronary heart disease, cancer, lung ailments, accidental injuries, cirrhosis of the liver and suicide.”

Life today, as we know it and experience it, is a pressure-cooker! Dr. Joel Elkes of the University of Louisville, once said, “Our mode of life itself, the way we live, is emerging as today?s principle cause of illness.”

The human soul, although very resilient, is not nearly as tough as steel, concrete or reinforced rubber hydraulic hoses. It does have a breaking point! A human soul, given the right amount/kind of pressure, can crack, blister and cave-in under the crushing weight of a family tragedy, financial disaster, relationship betrayal or marital breakdown.

The Apostle Paul confessed that he was a man under great pressure.

2 Corinthians 1:8 ? “We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life.”

What particular pressure was he referring to? We?re not told here, but we know that the hardships (“trouble” ? KJV.) that he experienced were so intense that he was burdened excessively to the point of renouncing all hope of survival. He saw no way out of his oppressive circumstances. Some have suggested that what Paul really meant was that he had given up on the hope of any human help. I don?t know about you, but that seems like a weak explanation to me!

The text says he “despaired even of life”. Does that mean that he had a death wish? Not necessarily. However, the pressures and hardships of his circumstances were tantamount to a death sentence from which there was no reprieve (verse 9a). That is why later in verse 9 he speaks of a divine intervention that followed that was tantamount to a ?resurrection from the dead? for him.

The Greek word for “hardships” (“trouble” ? KJV., “affliction” ? RSV.) is the transliterated word “thlipsis“. It means: “a pressing, pressing together, pressure.” It is understood in terms of: “afflicted, anguish, burden, persecution, tribulation, distress and oppression.” It?s exactly the same word that Paul uses in 2 Corinthians 4:17 ? “For our light and momentary troubles (“afflictions” ? thlipsis) are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.”

PRESSURE! Every man experiences it?in his job, in his marriage, in his role as a father, in his ministry, in his friendships/relationships, in his various roles as provider, spiritual head of the home, and even in his walk with God. Pressures like these are common, normal and beneficial to every man who aspires to please God.

As men, God has a purpose for pressure in our lives. When He administers pressure, it is done in love and balance. It is deliberate and reasonable. Unfortunately, the same cannot always be said of us when we apply pressure to others or ourselves.

I?m sure all of us relate to the two extremes of male stereotype: the couch potato who won?t lift a finger to help around the house, let alone take his role as the head of the home. He is the image that fuels today?s sitcoms. Or the guy who is so driven to success that he is a workaholic. Often he is competitive and absent from the home and the marriage. Neither of these extremes represents the proper application or response to pressure.

Your gift today states, “In life, too much pressure can result in a rough ride?too little pressure results in poor performance.” Consider the following two automobile experiences:

A father was called to help his daughter one frigid winter morning this year. She was stranded on the side of the road with her ?performance? car which was not ?performing?. Upon examination, he realized that the low-profile tires had slipped right off the rims, making the car ?un-driveable?. At the tire repair shop, he was told that routinely in extremely cold weather, this was common because of low pressure. This is an example of how “too little pressure results in poor performance”.

A pastor related the following true story about a call for help from his daughter.

It was a hot August Sunday night at 11pm., when he and his wife received a phone call. It was a family friend who was renting a trailer at a summer camp about 2 hours away. Their seven year old daughter was attempting to stay overnight with the family?something she had never been able to accomplish successfully up to this point.

It had been a long, busy day at the church and, like most pastors, he was beat. Driving two hours to get his frantic daughter and then two hours back home was not the most appealing thing he could think of doing; however, when it?s your little girl who?s upset and homesick, a father will do just about anything!

After beginning the long, tedious trip, it began to pour rain. It poured all the way there and all the way back. The minister couldn?t figure out why it was so hard to keep the car on the road. He had driven in bad weather before. He had driven while exhausted before, too. This night was different. It was as though he had no control of the car– no traction. It felt like he was driving a lumber wagon with a team of horses. He was afraid for their safety. The next day he recalled having had the car serviced the day before. They had changed the oil, lubed the doors and fittings, checked the fluids and adjusted the tire pressure. He said, “I don?t know what made me think of it, but I took my tire pressure gauge and checked all four tires. To my shock I found that they had not only been inflated to the maximum amount, but exceeded that amount by 15 more pounds per square inch!” No wonder he couldn?t keep the car on the road in the heavy rain– very little of the tire tread would have been touching the pavement!

A man?s life is like that too. “Too much pressure can result in a rough ride?” In fact, it can be downright dangerous! We need to keep an eye on the pressure that?s going on in our lives. We need to adjust and regulate that pressure to ensure maximum performance. How do men, in general and fathers, in particular, strike that balance of pressure in their spiritual, emotional, physical, intellectual and moral lives?

How does a man handle the pressure to succeed? What about the expectations he places on himself?or that his employer, children, spouse, friends, church, or his God places on him?

How does he handle the pressures of aging, the stages of life, the race towards being prepared for retirement and the temptations of a world full of opportunities?

WE MUST REALIZE THAT WE ARE NOT ALONE

First of all, we must realize that we are not alone. Every man who has ever lived has experienced the pressure ?tug of war? in his soul.

GOD UNDERSTANDS?

Secondly, God understands what we go through and has made some very great and precious promises to us.

Promises of God?

I. God is our refuge and strength and our help in trouble? (Psalm 46:1)

Psalm 46:1 is one of them. “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help (abundantly available help) in trouble.“

According to Strong?s Hebrew Dictionary, the word trouble means: “distress, adversary, adversity, affliction, anguish, tribulation, trouble.”

This verse means a help that has been found reliable and proven in the past so that any future calamity is no reason to fear.

II. 2 Corinthians 4:8 ? 4 part promise

Another “pressure promise” is 2 Corinthians 4:8 ? “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted but not abandoned; struck down but not destroyed.”

Verse 8 is a four-part promise that every man can relate to. Let?s break it down into four statements:

“We are hard-pressed (“troubled” ? KJV.) on every side, but not crushed”

The Greek word for “hard-pressed” means: “to crowd, afflict, narrow, throng.” Think in terms of the pressure on a man?s peace of mind, composure or general sanity and mental health.

No matter how bad it gets; no matter how much the enemy presses hard on our thoughts and soul, no matter how you feel cornered/hemmed in, you are never driven to surrender!

Paul admonished Timothy to “keep his head in all situations.”(2 Tim.4:5). When the baby cries at 2 am., when your wife keeps reminding you that the house needs painting, when the mortgage payment comes due, remember the words of Isaiah: “You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in You.” (Isaiah 26:3)

?

“Perplexed, but not in despair”

The Greek word (“Aporeo”) means: “to be without resources, to be in straits, to be left wanting, to be embarrassed, to be in doubt, not to know which way to turn, to not know how to decide or what to do.”

This is a man second-guessing himself. He is confused, lacking confidence and divided in his soul. Think in terms of a pressured assault against a man?s source of supply–his finances, his provision, or his vocation (the ability to continue providing). Every man feels the pressure of “too much month at the end of the paycheck.” Unexpected expenses come, job layoffs, circumstances that defy our ability and reason to trust God. Insurmountable obligations that make you pull your hair out! We may be tempted to doubt at times, or even panic and take matters into our own hands. Sometimes instead of pressures leading us to God, they drive us away from God to things like worry. It has been said that 40% of all worries will never happen. 30% concern old decisions which cannot be changed, 12% center on criticism, mostly untrue, made by people who feel inferior, 10% relate to health, which worsens while you worry, and only 8% are legitimate which you can do something about. We know worry is wrong and counter-productive.

As men we need to be reminded that although we may be at a loss we?re never totally lost! Yes, there are times when fathers/husbands/men face the challenge of not knowing what direction to take. What is the best decision is this situation? What?s best for my child? Will this decision hurt or help my wife, my friends, my marriage or my career? It?s so easy to be unsure and confused. We see in the Scripture that even though we are perplexed, we are not in despair!

Psalm 37:23 assures us, “The steps of a good man are ordered [established] by the Lord?”

?

“Persecuted, but not abandoned“

The Greek word (“Dioko”) means: “to make to run or flee, put to flight, drive away, to pursue in a hostile manner, to harass, trouble or molest.”

Think in terms of pressure to flee from one?s convictions/values/standards/faith/faithfulness/relationships. I think of the pressures that tempt a man to cave in or take flight from a secure position. He?s pursued by temptation?hounded by the foe but not left to his mercy. Take a deep breath! Consider God?s presence in your life. You?re attacked and driven but not left helpless or utterly forsaken. God is on your side! Hebrews 2:18 tells us that Jesus not only knows the power of temptation, but will help me walk through it successfully. “Because He himself suffered when He was tempted, He is able to help those who are being tempted.” This is both encouraging and strengthening.

“Struck down, but not destroyed“

The Greek word (“kataballo”) means: “to cast down, to throw to the ground, prostrate, lay, put in a lower place.”

I?ve always pictured a boxer being knocked to the canvass with a punch. He?s knocked down, but he?s not down for the count! He?s laid out, but he?s not dead. Not ruined! Not defeated! Not rendered useless! Not out of the fight!

Think in terms of a man?s safety and protection and personal strength. Everyday we get pummeled by life?s circumstances; driven down-?but only far enough to get close to God. Driven to a position of utter dependence and humility.

Deuteronomy 33:27 tells us two wonderful truths:

Deuteronomy 33:27 (NIV)

27 The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms. He will drive out your enemy before you, saying, ‘Destroy him!’

1. “The eternal God is your refuge”

When we are attacked/struck down/challenged in our role as men/driven down by the weight of sin or cares of life?notice what we are driven to.

2. “And underneath are the everlasting arms”

Struck down, thrown down, cast down, driven down?right into the everlasting arms of God which are underneath us, ever present to hold us up and support us!

We may be knocked to the ground, but not knocked out!

Paul has a message about pressure in the life of every Christian man: “Even though we may think we are at the end of the rope, we are never at the end of hope!

”

The intervening, providential hand of God was controlling Paul?s persecutions and circumstances, keeping them within manageable proportions. God was in control of Paul?s life?and He is in control of yours too.

Dr. Alan Redpath said, “There is nothing, no circumstance, no trouble, no testing that can ever touch me until, first of all, it has come past God and past Christ, right through to me. If it has come that far, it has come with great purpose.”

Be reminded of this blessed truth: “God has a purpose for pressure in every man?s life.”

CONCLUSION

As you receive this gift today let it be a visual reminder that “too much pressure can result in a rough ride?too little pressure results in poor performance.” Somewhere in the middle is the balance that God wants every man to find.

Pressure isn?t all bad?in fact, it can be the thing that really makes a man/father/husband grow, mature, and flourish in the strength of the Lord–which translates into better fathers, better husbands, better Christian men and ultimately, better churches!

Proverbs 23:22-25 (NIV)

22 Listen to your father, who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old. 23 Buy the truth and do not sell it; get wisdom, discipline and understanding. 24 The father of a righteous man has great joy; he who has a wise son delights in him. 25 May your father and mother be glad; may she who gave you birth rejoice!

INTRODUCTION

Genesis 27:25-34 (NIV)

25 Then he said, “My son, bring me some of your game to eat, so that I may give you my blessing.” Jacob brought it to him and he ate; and he brought some wine and he drank. 26 Then his father Isaac said to him, “Come here, my son, and kiss me.” 27 So he went to him and kissed him. When Isaac caught the smell of his clothes, he blessed him and said, “Ah, the smell of my son is like the smell of a field that the LORD has blessed. 28 May God give you of heaven’s dew and of earth’s richness– an abundance of grain and new wine. 29 May nations serve you and peoples bow down to you. Be lord over your brothers, and may the sons of your mother bow down to you. May those who curse you be cursed and those who bless you be blessed.” 30 After Isaac finished blessing him and Jacob had scarcely left his father’s presence, his brother Esau came in from hunting. 31 He too prepared some tasty food and brought it to his father. Then he said to him, “My father, sit up and eat some of my game, so that you may give me your blessing.” 32 His father Isaac asked him, “Who are you?” “I am your son,” he answered, “your firstborn, Esau.” 33 Isaac trembled violently and said, “Who was it, then, that hunted game and brought it to me? I ate it just before you came and I blessed him–and indeed he will be blessed!” 34 When Esau heard his father’s words, he burst out with a loud and bitter cry and said to his father, “Bless me–me too, my father!”

Fatherhood has changed a lot over the years. I heard this past week about a father being asked who was in charge at his home. He answered, “Well, my wife bosses the children. My children boss the dog & cat, & I can say anything I want to the geraniums.

Fatherhood may have changed a bit in our society, but I don?t think God?s perception of what the father is to be & do has changed.

So this morning, we are looking at the 27th chapter of Genesis. Here we have the story of Isaac bestowing his blessing to Jacob. Of course, the blessing was intended for the oldest son, Esau. But through deception the blessing was given to Jacob instead.

As you may remember, Isaac & Rebecca had twin sons, Esau & Jacob, who were not anything alike. Esau was an outdoorsman with hairy arms & hands & he loved hunting & fishing. Jacob was more of a homebody, & spent a lot of time with his mother.

Now in this story we learn that their father, Isaac, has grown old & blind, & he decides it is time to pass on the blessing to his oldest son.

A Jewish father?s blessing was a formal passing on of the father?s honor & authority to his oldest son. And since the oldest son was assuming the leadership responsibilities of the family or tribe, he also received a double share of his father?s possessions. So the bestowing of the blessing was a very important event indeed.

In vs?s 2-4 Isaac tells Esau, “I am now an old man & don?t know the day of my death. Now then, get your weapons – your quiver & bow – & go out to the open country to hunt some wild game for me. Prepare me the kind of tasty food I like & bring it to me to eat, so that I may give you my blessing before I die.”

So Esau leaves, & while he is gone, Rebecca seizes the opportunity to secure the blessing for Jacob, who was her favorite. She quickly prepares some tasty food & tells Jacob to put on Esau?s best clothes. To help fool blind old Isaac, she puts goat skin on Jacob?s hands & arms to make them feel hairy. Then she sends him in with the food to ask for the blessing.

Listen to vs. 19, “Jacob said to his father, `I am Esau, your firstborn. I have done as you told me. Please sit up & eat some of my game so that you may give me your blessing.?”

Isaac was suspicious because Jacob?s voice didn?t sound like Esau?s. So he asked, “How did you find it so quickly, my son?” Jacob replies, “The Lord your God gave me success.”

Then vs. 21, “Isaac said to Jacob, `Come near so I can touch you, my son, to know whether you really are my son Esau or not.? Jacob went close to his father Isaac, who touched him & said, `The voice is the voice of Jacob, but the hands are the hands of Esau.? He did not recognize him, for his hands were hairy like those of his brother Esau; so he blessed him.”

Now the blessing that was given is found in vs?s 27-29. “So he went to him & kissed him. When Isaac caught the smell of his clothes, he blessed him & said, `Ah, the smell of my son is like the smell of a field that the Lord has blessed. May God give you of heaven?s dew & of earth?s richness – an abundance of grain & new wine.

“May nations serve you & peoples bow down to you. Be lord over your brothers, & may the sons of your mother bow down to you. May those who curse you be cursed & those who bless you be blessed.”

After he received the blessing from his father, Jacob left. Shortly after, Esau came in with the game that he had killed & prepared, & was ready to receive his father?s blessing.

Listen to vs?s 33-34. “Isaac trembled violently & said, `Who was it, then, that hunted game & brought it to me? I ate it just before you came & I blessed him – & indeed he will be blessed!? When Esau heard his father?s words, he burst out with a loud & bitter cry & said to his father, `Bless me – me too, my father!?”

Dr. Gary Smalley wrote a book entitled, “The Blessing.” In it he examines the blessing that Isaac bestowed upon Jacob & he says, “The blessing contains 4 ingredients that ought to be present in every home today. And when those 4 ingredients are present, & practiced consistently, then our children grow up solid, secure & confident of themselves, able to go out into the world & function normally.”

But if those ingredients are absent in the home, then too often the child ends up like Esau, steeped in bitterness & anger.

So let me share with you today the 4 ingredients of Isaac?s blessing.

I. THE FIRST INGREDIENT WAS A MEANINGFUL TOUCH

“The first ingredient,” Dr. Smalley says, “was a meaningful touch.” Notice vs. 22, “Jacob went close to his father Isaac, who touched him.” Vs. 26 says, “Then his father Isaac said to him, `Come here, my son, & kiss me.”

Now this is not an isolated incident in scripture. Almost every time a blessing is bestowed in Hebrew culture, it involves touching – the laying on of hands, a kiss, an embrace – something that conveys acceptance & love.

The 10th chapter of the Gospel of Mark says that people brought children to Jesus so that He could touch them. Jesus took them & placed them on his knee, & laid His hands upon them, & the scripture says, “He blessed them.”

Jesus knew exactly what children need to feel loved & accepted. So He touched them & blessed them.

It?s important to do that in our homes, too. When children are very small you can?t communicate love with words because they don?t understand words yet. But the best way to communicate love to a very small child is to demonstrate it by touching them, cuddling them, & holding them close.

Jacob was 40 years old when Isaac touched him & kissed him to convey the blessing to him. And no matter the age, I think it is important to continue to communicate love & acceptance & affection in some meaningful way.

The first ingredient of the blessing was a meaningful touch.

II. THE SECOND INGREDIENT WAS A SPOKEN MESSAGE OF AFFECTION & LOVE

The 2nd ingredient was a spoken message of affection & love. Listen as he blesses his son in the last part of vs. 27, “Ah, the smell of my son is like the smell of a field. . .”

Now I suppose that today?s child would not consider it a compliment to be told, “You smell like a field. I just wanted you to know that.”

But to an old outdoorsman like Isaac, who thought he was speaking to Esau, the smell of a field about ready for harvest was a great smell. It was a compliment, a positive message that communicated his love & affection.

You see, too often parents are quick to criticize & remind children of their mistakes. “You dummy, why did you spill the milk?” “You?re lazy.” “You?re too fat.” Words of criticism that really don?t accomplish much. All they do is cause a child to withdraw.

I think there is room for constructive criticism. But it?s more important to communicate love through words that say, “You?re worth something. You?re such a good little boy or girl. I?m glad that God gave you to us. You?re better than any Christmas present I could ever receive. Father?s Day is special just because you?re here.”

Those are words that communicate acceptance & love. And they need to be spoken over & over again, even when our children stumble & fall. Don?t wait until the last minute to do it.

III. THE THIRD INGREDIENT WAS THE ATTRIBUTING OF A HIGH VALUE

The 3rd ingredient of the blessing was the attributing of a high value. Notice what Isaac says in vs. 28, “May God give you of heaven?s dew & of earth?s richness – an abundance of grain & new wine.”

He?s saying, “You?re special, so God will give you the best He has to give.”

We?re constantly being told that we should teach our children to have a good, positive self-image, to build up their self-esteem. So it is important to teach the child, “You?re so valuable that God even came into our world & died on the cross for you.”

But it?s not just by words. We teach high value in a number of ways. A lot of times when a child comes, we?re so busy. We have one eye on the TV & one eye on them, & we can?t concentrate on what they?re saying.

So when a child comes to talk to you, turn off the radio or TV set. Lay aside the newspaper, & look them in the eye. You?ll see wonder after wonder when you look into a child?s eyes, sparkling with excitement. They have so many things they?re anxious to tell you. So look at them, & listen to what they have to say!

That communicates value. “You?re worth something. You?re more important to me than the ballgame or newspaper. You?re an extremely valuable part of our family. I?m glad God gave you to us. And whenever you have something you need to talk about, I?m here to listen to you.”

IV. THE FOURTH INGREDIENT WAS THE PICTURING OF A GLORIOUS FUTURE

The 4th ingredient was the picturing of a glorious future. In vs. 29 Isaac says to Jacob, “May nations serve you & peoples bow down to you. Be lord over your brothers, & may the sons of your mother bow down to you. May those who curse you be cursed & those who bless you be blessed.”

Isaac is helping him to raise his sights & see that his future is bright.

That is an important responsibility of parents, isn?t it? We all know that passage in Proverbs that says, “Train up a child in the way he should go, & when he is old he will not depart from it.”

We?ve always made a spiritual application there, “Teach them the things of God & when they?re old they will not forsake them.”

But there is another application. We?re to help our children find their niche, discover who they are, & why they?ve been made. God made them special. So as they?re growing up, help them understand their gifts & talents, & what they?re best suited to do in life. Counsel & guide them to become the kind of person God wants, & made them to be.

The mistake most of us make as parents is we try to get our children to become what we want them to be, other than what God made them to be.

In the movie, “Dead Poets Society,” is a boy who wanted very much to become an actor when he grew up. But his father wanted him to be a doctor.

The school put on a play which his father reluctantly attended. He was the star of the play & did such an outstanding job that he was given a standing ovation at the end.

After the play was over the father took his son home & said, “I?m not going to let you waste your life being an actor. I?m going to take you out of this school tomorrow & send you to a military academy.” And that night, that boy committed suicide.

It?s just a story, I guess, or is it? I wonder how many people have tried to force their children into becoming something God never equipped them for, or intended them to be.

Then there is the story about a little girl named Sandra who was raised in an adobe house in a rural area of New Mexico, without electricity & running water.

In fact, her mother & father had to drive to El Paso, 200 miles away, so that her mother could be in the hospital when Sandra was born.

Because they were so far away from any school, Sandra?s parents home-schooled her. They ordered a variety of magazines to expose her to the outside world. She grew up in a very wholesome environment.

Her fondest memories of her family are of the times when mom & dad took the whole family on vacation to visit state capitols. They went into every capitol building & climbed their domes, west of the Mississippi.

When Sandra graduated from high school, she went to Stanford University & graduated with honors. Sandra Day O?Connor was the first woman to be seated in the Supreme Court of the United States of America. All because mom & dad cared enough to help her see herself in the image in which God created her. And then to encourage her to be all that she could be.

Now maybe our children aren?t that intelligent or gifted. But our responsibility as parents is to help them see themselves for who they really are, & to help them prepare for a glorious future.

CONCLUSION

I think this is the mortar that holds a family together – A meaningful touch, a spoken message, attributing a high value, & picturing a glorious future.

This morning, God is the perfect parent who has conveyed to us all the ingredients of His blessing in just one verse of scripture. “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son. Whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life.”

This morning we offer God?s invitation. A loving Father reaches down to touch us, speak to us, tell us how valuable we are, & help us see the glorious future that we have in Him.