Start with some icebreakers?
Two single men were talking. One remarked, “If I ever get married I want a wife who is an economist in the kitchen, a lady in the living room, and a bobcat in the bedroom.” He did marry several years later, and his chum asked him if he got what he wanted in a woman. “Yes, but garbled,” he replied. “My wife is a lady in the kitchen, a bobcat in the living room, and an economist in the bedroom.” (Stephen M. Crotts, Wearing The Wind, CSS Publishing, Lima, Ohio, 1999)
How about these quotes:
Marrying for money is the hardest way to earn it.
Marriage is a wonderful institution. If it weren?t for marriage, husbands and wives would have to fight with perfect strangers.
Marriage is neither heaven nor hell; it is simply purgatory. Abraham Lincoln
Only two things are necessary to keep one?s wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other, to let her have it. Lyndon B. Johnson
Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight. G.C. Lichtenberg
A good marriage should be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. Michel de Montaigne
The most difficult year of marriage is the one you?re in. Franklin P. Jones
Marriage is like horseradish ? men praise it with tears in their eyes!
One night a wife found her husband standing over their baby?s crib. Silently she watched him as he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, skepticism.
Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her husband.
“A penny for your thoughts,” she said.
“It?s amazing!” he replied. “I just can?t see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $46.50.”
Wife: I can?t sleep, dear. I keep thinking there?s a mouse under the bed.
Husband: Well, start thinking there?s a cat under the bed and go to sleep.
Today I?d like to spend a few minutes talking to you guys about the role of the husband in marriage. It is true and I believe that if husbands were to understand their God-given role in marriage and apply that understanding that their marriages will be exciting rewarding adventures in life rather than being?
Some history ? let?s go back to Adam and Eve
At the beginning of history God committed to Adam the first husband, a specific responsibility:
Genesis 2:15 (KJV)15 And the LORD God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it.
The English does not convey the full meaning of the word translated “keep”
- It comes from a word of which the basic meaning is “to guard” or “protect”.
- The modern Hebrew word for “night watchman” is derived from this root.
- God held Adm responsible to “guard” the Garden. Guard it from what? From the entrance of any “beast of the field” (Genesis 2:20) that had no place in the Garden.
The very next chapter reveals that Adam failed in this responsibility. The serpent, who was a “beast of the field,” made his way into the Garden. (FAILURE #1)
Then Adam failed in his next obligation: to protect his wife from Stan?s cunning attack. Scripture does not reveal where Adam was at the moment, but it is clear that he left Eve on her own.
- At this point Eve added her sin to that of her husband. She entered into conversation with the serpent, succumbed to his deception and ate of the forbidden fruit. She also gave some to her husband, and he ate of it, too.
This reveals that the first two sins in human history were sins of omission. Adam failed not in what he did but in what he did not do.
Sins of omission then led to sins of commission. The third sin was committed by Eve, who was deceived by the serpent and ate of the forbidden fruit She also involved her husband. The primary sin of the man was the sin of omission; he was delinquent. Then Adam?s sin of omission opened the way for Eve?s sin of commission.
People tend to think of sins of omission as less serious that sins of commission. But this is not how Scripture represents them.
In Matthew 25:31-46 Jesus gives a prophetic parable concerning the judgment of the “sheep” and “goat” nations at the end of the age. To the goat nations He pronounces one of the most fearsome judgments ever to be uttered:
Matthew 25:41 (NIV)41 “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels.
What did those nations do to incur such a horrific judgment? The answer can be given in one word: nothing. They gave no food, no drink, no clothing; they showed no compassion. Yet for these sins of omission they were condemned to everlasting punishment.
The double failure of Adam and Eve set a pattern that has been repeated in every subsequent generation. The primary, characteristic sin of men is a sin of omission, not or commission. They fail in their responsibility ? first to their wives, then to their whole families. The characteristic sin of women is to go beyond the limits of their authority and to usurp the functions of men.
The failure of both Adam and Eve marred the perfection of the relationship that God planned for them to have toward each other. Nevertheless their failure did not set aside the basic principle on which God intended their relationship to be built. I call theirs a relationship of initiative and response. According to this pattern, Adam, as husband, was responsible to take the initiative, and Eve, his wife, was responsible to respond.
So what are some of the main areas in which a husband should take the initiative? The New Testament suggests six main responsibilities. And I?d like to highlight these with you this morning.
Love your wife (Ephesians 5:25)
This is not a suggestion or recommendation. It is a command?
Ephesians 5:25 (NIV)25 Husbands, love your wives?
To put it simply: If you do not love your wife, you are disobedient to Scripture. The same verse also tells you the way to love her:
?, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her”
This is not a taking love but a giving love ? a self-giving love. It is the husband who should take the initiative in giving himself to and for his wife.
Many in our contemporary culture think of love as purely emotional. This is an incomplete picture. Genuine love is released by an act of the will.
Psalm 18:1 (NIV)1 I love you, O LORD, my strength.
David made a decision ? His love for the Lord was released by an act of his will. Furthermore the word David uses here for love is related to the Hebrew word that can be translated “bowels” or “womb” It was what we call in modern day speech “a gut feeling”. It included both David?s will and his emotions. That is the kind of love a husband should have for his wife!
In biblical times most marriages were arranged?That is still true in many parts of the world today. Yet the fact that a marriage was arranged did not mean there would not be warm, deep love between the husband and wife. In fact, countries that practice marriage by arrangement produce a higher ratio of successful marriages than the so-called “free” West, where the divorce rate sometimes approaches fifty-percent. This is not being said to advocate arranged marriages. The point is that successful marriages do not depend ultimately on how it was entered into, but on how a husband and wife conduct themselves after they are married. If both are faithful to fulfill their respective responsibilities as assigned to them by Scripture, the marriage will be successful and there will be genuine love between them.
Receive Input
The husband should always make room for his wife to speak her mind freely and be sensitive to what she is thinking or feeling, even when she does not express it in words. Her unspoken feelings are often her deepest, and the ones of which her husband needs to be most aware. Communication failure between husband and wife is probably the most common single factor in the breakdown of a marriage.
Wives have their own special kind of wisdom, often called “intuition”. He may work out some conclusion by a laborious process of reasoning, but when he communicated this to his wife, he may be surprised when she responds, “I knew that all along.”
Make Decisions
Once there has been free and respectful communication between husband and wife, they come to the place where a practical decision has to be made. At this point it is the husband?s responsibility to make the final decision. IN many cases, if there has been communication, the wife is happy to let her husband bear this responsibility.
Initiate Action
Generally this follows as a logical consequence of the decision making process just outlined. But normally the person responsible for taking the practical steps to carry out a decision is the husband.
The husband may need to delegate many practical daily tasks to his wife, but he should be careful to shoulder a reasonable portion of their shared responsibilities as a couple, especially if they are also parents.
The division of labor could be based, in part, on their spiritual gifting. In addition the wife should be able to count on her husband to be there behind her if she finds herself faced with a crisis she does not know how to handle.
Nourish and Cherish
One word should describe the attitude of every husband toward his wife: special. Every husband should say to himself, my wife is special ? there is no one else just like her. For this reason he should relate to her in a way that he relates to no other woman.
This does not apply merely to their sexual relationship; it should apply to the way he thinks about her, the way he talks about her, the way he treats her.
Ephesians 5:28-29 (NIV)28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church?
Feeds and cares or nourish and cherish. These two words suggest an attitude of intimate concern that includes attention to what might appear to be small details.
A husband should be concerned about his wife?s health, her appearance, the way she does her hair, the perfume she uses. Everything that concerns her should concern him. She should always have the confidence that to her husband she is the most important person in the world next to Christ.
Let me assure you, husbands: If you sow into your wife in this way, you will reap an abundant harvest!
Nourish and cherish also refers to the spiritual instruction the husband should model and teach in his family.
Give Praise
The last part of the last chapter of Proverbs describes and extols the character of the “virtuous,” or excellent, wife. It points out her many achievements; then it closes with words of praise:
Proverbs 31:28-29 (NIV)28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 29 “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”
Some husbands are stingy with their words of praise. That is false economy! They would be surprised to discover how much a wife longs to be praised- and how she responds to it. Giving praise to your wife is one of the best investments you can ever make!
If a man has a faithful, committed wife, there is no way he can ever offer her in money what she is worth. As Solomon says in this passage, “Her worth is far above rubies” (verse 10). The least a husband can do is offer his wife words of heartfelt praise.
CONCLUSION
An experienced minister was once asked about a certain person, “Is he a good Christian?” The minister replied, “I don?t know. I can?t tell you yet. I haven?t met his wife.” That was a wise answer. A husband?s success is seen in his wife.
Why not apply this test to yourself as a husband? Perhaps you need to focus less on yourself and more on your wife. Ask yourself ? and her as well ? the following questions, in order to evaluate how you are doing: Is she secure and fulfilled? Do I feel proud of her? If the answers are yes, you are good husband! But if there are obvious areas in your wife?s personality that are incomplete, if she shows strain or insecurity, you need to check on your performance as a husband. Perhaps you would do well to read once more through the preceding list of your responsibilities as a husband. Then, if you see you have been delinquent, repent before the Lord and ask Him for the grace you need to do better.
Remember to live in your God-given role as a husband and take the initiative!
Love your wife, Receive input, Make Decisions, Initiate Action, Nourish and Cherish, Give Praise
Tags: Men's Ministry
I understand and enjoyed reading the role of the husband. I was actually looking for something else though. maybe you could help me though. I was wondering is a husband suposed to be able to tell his wife anything? Is a husband suposed to keep anything from his wife? I’m asking these questions because my husband comes from a long line of masons and they are a secret organization. They want him to follow in their footsteps but before he does i would like to try to find the answers to my questions. Also what do you think about the masons? Please get back to me. Thank You!
On the role of a husband…
After asking God many times for a bigger picture of how Christ loved the church, I began to get the picture some years ago. I was surprised to see Christ as a pregnant woman. Yet soon it began to make sense.
As soon as Jesus entered the temple to be about His Father’s business, he began the work of preparing to bear the church in his womb.As he grew in grace, wisdom, stature and learned obedience through what he suffered, we see love, patience, long suffering and all of the fruits of the Spirit being born in Him.
After being filled with the Holy Spirit, we see Jesus face the temptation to depart from the bride he was working hard to birth.
We see the patience of the bridegroom as Jesus dealt with the twelve disciples and served them rather than serve Himself.
We see Jesus standing up for his bride as he continues to be one with the Father to be one with the bride soon to be born.
Finally he said, “It is finished,” went into hell and defeated death, hell and the grave, rescinded the old covenant and ratified the new covenant to set the bride free to be a joint heir and not feel kept at arms length, or less than.
To top it off, before ascending back to heaven he promised power to over come, that he would send another to lead and guide unto all truth and comfort, and that he would never leave the bride.
Now that’s what I call the love of a groom for a bride.
Rev. David Hammock
President & CEO
Revivals For America, INc.
Raleigh, NC
April7, 2009
I am a 57 year old female who was left a widow after 27 years of marriage. I am now married to a man who was also a widow. I thought we could have a good life together. I own my own business & am financially independent. We live in my house, I have continued to pay all the household bills like I did before I was married . He rents his house out. The thing that I have a problem with is that he gives me about $200 a week toward bills & buys a few groceries. His income is $120,000 a year. Mine is less than half of that. I don’t have any money left over to put into a savings account or my retirement. I have to pay for all the upkeep on the house, taxes, insurance,ect. My mortgage alone is $1200 a month. He doesn’y feel that he should help any more than that because my house was refinanced to consolidate some bills when my first husband died. I do all the cooking and cleaning & have to pay someone to do a lot of the maintenance. The only way I can get him to help is to threaten divorce. He has got mad and left me 6 times and the last time, I asked him to leave. After he’s gone a day or so he starts begging to come back, saying he will do anything it takes. I get panicky and let him come back and then routine just starts all over again. I am now wondering if God is somehow punishing me because I had married a man about 2 years after my husband died . He was good to me helped me out witheverything I divorced him because he didn’t make as much money as my former husband had. I don’t know what I was thinking, I just thought that I would have it so much easier if I had someone with an income like my first husband. I realize that money is not everything & I am suffering terrible emotional stress because of this. My husband now is verbally mean & also impotent. I just want to do the right thing. I don’t know how long I can stand this. I feel like a used rug that he is wiping his feet on.