Archive for November, 2002

The Missing Ingredient that Holds Back Successful Marriages

Saturday, November 30th, 2002

INTRODUCTION:

Recap previous message

The role of husbands in marriage: To take the initiative (wife is to respond)

Husband?s responsibilities:

Love Your Wife

Receive Input

Make Decisions

Initiate Action

Nourish and Cherish

Now, it?s good if the husband and wife know this and are working towards filling their individual roles but what if they fail ? what if it doesn?t work?

A well-known evangelical minister and his wife were sharing with the author of Husbands and Fathers, Derek Prince, some of the struggles they had experienced in making their marriage work. At one point the wife was recounting that their inner tensions had exploded one day into an angry argument in their bedroom.

The husband had been emphasizing ? as husbands often do ? the scriptural command to wives to be submissive to their husbands. The wife had been emphasizing ? as wives often do ? that she did not see why she should submit to him. ?After all,? she told him, ?you don?t have a good track record. You?ve made some pretty stupid decisions!?

At this point they both realized they were not acting like Christians. Spontaneously they knelt down on opposite sides of their bed to pray.

?As we did that,? the wife recalled to Derek, ?it was as if a cold wind blew through our bedroom. Somehow it impressed on each of our hearts the phrase from Ephesians 5:21, ?submitting to one another in the fear of God?. We both recognized there was something missing in our relationship to each other ? the fear of God. We?d been acting as if our relationship was only on the human level. We had left God out of it.?

When they saw this, both repented of their failures and asked forgiveness of God and of each other. That was the beginning of a new relationship between them ? a relationship in which they both accepted the place God had allotted to each of them.

Let?s think of this scene as a diagnosis explaining why so many marriages between Christians never attain to the standard set forth clearly in the New Testament! It is because they are leaving out one essential ingredient: the fear of the Lord.

ILLUSTRATION OF PIZZA WITHOUT TOMATO SAUCE (OR CHEESE OR MEAT!) ? a pizza just isn?t a pizza without the sauce.

How does this apply? The pizza sauce is the ?fear of the Lord? Without that distinctive ingredient the marriage is on the same level as one between unbelievers. It can never become what God intends. It will lack that special flavor that should distinguish it from marriages between unbelievers.

RESPECT, REVERENCE AND AWE

Unfortunately many contemporary Christians have a wrong concept of what the Bible means by the fear of the Lord.

They disdain it as something outdated that belongs only in the Old Testament and has no place in New Testament Christianity.

ACTUALLY, the fear of the Lord carries a higher priority in the character requirements of the New Testament than in those of the Old.

What does the Bible mean by the expression, the fear of the Lord?

it covers three related English words: respect, reverence and awe.

Fearing God IS NOT a cringing, slavish attitude. It is the appropriate response of the creature to the Creator ? to His omnipotence, His majesty, His glory and His holiness.



Psalm 19:9 (NIV)

9 The fear of the LORD is pure, enduring forever. The ordinances of the LORD are sure and altogether righteous.

Something that in all ages, God looks for in His people.

In Isaiah 11:2, the prophet predicted the sevenfold anointing of the Holy Spirit that was to mark Jesus as the promised Messiah, the Anointed One:

Isaiah 11:2 (NIV)

2 The Spirit of the LORD will rest on him– the Spirit of wisdom and of understanding, the Spirit of counsel and of power, the Spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the LORD–

We might have assumed that there was no place for the fear of the Lord in Jesus, God?s beloved Son. Yet Isaiah 11:2 reveals the fear of the Lord as the final seal marking Jesus as being truly the Messiah and the Son of God. If Jesus was thus marked by the fear of the Lord, how can we, as His disciples, ever feel that such fear has no place in us?

Recognizing the Cost of Our Redemption

Christians sometimes adopt the attitude that because God in His love has received us and made us His children, there is no place for the fear of the Lord in our lives. Actually the opposite is true. The very fact that God has redeemed us at the infinite cost of His Son?s most precious blood should inspire in us an awesome sense of our responsibility to lead lives that give Him the glory that is His due.



1 Peter 1:17-19 (NIV)

17 Since you call on a Father who judges each man’s work impartially, live your lives as strangers here in reverent fear (fear of the Lord). 18 For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your forefathers, 19 but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect.

Peter emphasizes that that the fear of the Lord is our only appropriate response!!

Let?s think about this for a moment ? what should the impact of that fear be?

Imagine standing at the top of a steep, rugged cliff overlooking a rock-strewn valley hundreds of feet below. A guardrail keeps you from venturing too close to the edge. Now picture that guardrail as the warnings of Scripture and its demands for holy living. Then ask yourself, Suppose I were to be presumptuous, climb over the guardrail and take my stand on the very edge of a cliff? After that, just one step more would precipitate me to final, irretrievable disaster! Now, how do you feel as you entertain that thought? For me, the muscles of my stomach tighten up involuntarily and a cold chill runs down my spine. I recall the words of warning written to the Hebrew Christians:



Hebrews 10:31 (NIV)

31 It is a dreadful (or fearful) thing to fall into the hands of the living God.

This attitude of reverent awe should govern not only our attitude toward God Himself, but also toward His Word, the Scripture.



Isaiah 66:2 (NIV)

2 Has not my hand made all these things, and so they came into being?” declares the LORD. “This is the one I esteem: he who is humble and contrite in spirit, and trembles at my word.

Why should we tremble? Because this is the way both God the Father and God the Son come into our lives.



John 14:23 (NIV)

23 Jesus replied, “If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.

Our attitude toward Scripture reveals how much we truly love Jesus and opens the way for God in His fullness to come into our lives. When we read, or hear, the Bible, our attitude should be the same as it would be if God the Father and God the Son were standing in person before us.

A KEY TO JOY AND FRUITFULLNESS

This attitude of reverence for God and His Word is key to experiencing the kind of joy that only God can give?



Psalm 2:11 (NIV)

11 Serve the LORD with fear and rejoice with trembling.

A beautiful balance is depicted here. We rejoice in God?s mercy and at the same time tremble at His awesomeness! This balance between fear and encouragement was reproduced in the New Testament Church?



Acts 9:31 (NIV)

31 Then the church throughout Judea, Galilee and Samaria enjoyed a time of peace. It was strengthened; and encouraged by the Holy Spirit, it grew in numbers, living in the fear of the Lord.

Isn?t this a strange combination ? strengthened and encouraged with fear? Yet this combination was the key to the vibrant life and explosive growth of the New Testament church!!

What does all this about the fear of the Lord have to do with the relationship between husbands and wives?

EVERYTHING!!!

Without the fear of the Lord in both husband and wife, a Christian marriage can never become what God intends it to be!!!!

This is the ingredient on which the flavor of the whole pizza depends. Both husband and wife may say all the right things, make all the right resolutions and even attend the best counseling sessions, but without the fear of the Lord as an active force at work in both of their lives, their marriage will never become what God intends it to be.

The only way this can happen the only one secure base for this kind of attitude in the husband and wife is that it depends on our personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. He graciously invites us into an intimate relationship with Himself, but never at the expense of our consciousness that He is the personal, majestic, awe-inspiring revelation of God the Father. He is our Savior but He is also our Judge, to whom we must all one day give an account. In the NT this is vividly illustrated in the account of two of His closest disciples, John and Paul

John:

John was so close to Jesus at the last supper that he could lean on His breast and whisper in His ear. Later, however, when John was suddenly confronted in a vision by the glorious, ascended Christ of God, he said,

?

Revelation 1:17 (NIV)

17 When I saw him, I fell at his feet as though dead

Paul:

He too enjoyed an ongoing relationship of intimate fellowship with the Lord. Yet he never lost the consciousness that one day he, like every other person would have to give an account of his life to Christ, who would then be seated on His judgment throne. In this context Paul wrote?

2 Corinthians 5:10-11 (NIV)

10 For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad. 11 Since, then, we know what it is to fear the Lord, we try to persuade men. What we are is plain to God, and I hope it is also plain to your conscience.

It was Paul?s consciousness of the awesome majesty of Christ that made his message persuasive.

CONCLUSION

When man regulates his relationship with his wife by the all-pervading fear of the Lord, and when his wife responds in the same spirit, their marriage will fulfill the plan of God unfolded in Scripture.

Each will bear in mind the awesome responsibility placed on them.

The husband by his conduct toward his wife will make it his aim to depict the attitude of Christ toward His bride, the Church.

The wife will seek to respond to her husband as the Church responds to Christ, the Bridegroom.

Certainly there will be faults and failings on both sides. But these will be covered over as each repents and seeks forgiveness from the other.

* Like a cool breeze at the close of a hot and dusty day, the fear of the Lord will temper and dispel the various frustrations and disharmonies inevitable in any marriage. Both husband and wife will find fulfillment in their God-given roles and blend together in the kind of harmony God had in mind when He said, ?The two shall become one flesh.?

The True Leader of Small Groups

Sunday, November 17th, 2002
This entry is part 6 of 7 in the series Life in Community

I?ve mentioned at various times in teaching about small groups that the optimum group size is probably between 2-12 people. That being said, I?m sure that any of you who have worked with a group of others would agree there are times when it seems the optimum group size is one. Working with others can often be very taxing.

Group relationships can be very complex. In fact, any time you bring a group of people together ? whether it be a work group, a family, a sports team, a civic committee, or even a small group in church ? you create a complex system of relationships that are difficult to maintain, let alone turn into productivity. Furthermore, the more people you bring into the group, the more the complexity of that group increases dramatically. If there are two people in a group, there is only one line of communication ? A to B. If there are three people in a group, there are three lines of communication ? A to B, A to C, and B to C. If you add a fourth person, there are six lines of communication ? A to B, A to C, A to D, B to C, B to D, And C to D. So the complexity of the relationships within a group increases as the group grows in size.

It is my intent to finish our series, “Life in Community” with two messages about relationships in the small group. Next week, I will be talking with you about the relationships we have with one another in the context of a small group. However, this week I would like to share about the leadership in small groups.

The wisdom of generations of group dynamics has brought us to see the value of leadership within a group system. The leader at the center of a group both collects and disseminates much of the information required for the group to function. As the need for members within the group to communicate is minimized, the group becomes more efficient. Of course, even with leadership in place, members of a group still must communicate with one another at some level, which is what we?ll talk about next week. If group members do not interact, information can be logjammed at the leader. When that happens, learning and growth and efficiency are stunted. Obviously, there is a delicate balance for efficiency and for healthy group relationships.

This is how most groups in our culture operate. In a work group, the role of leader is assumed by the boss, manager, or supervisor of the work group. In a family, Biblical or not, this role is most often assumed by the dominant parent. On a baseball team, the coach fills this role. In a civic committee, it would be the chairperson.

Is this model familiar to you? Do you recognize this in the different groups you are a part of?

Because this model is so familiar, it is likely how we view our Koinonia groups. We have Koinonia groups that meet in homes, and each of those groups has a leader. So when we gather, we tend to view the leaders as the relational hub within that group. For example, in Audrey?s group, everyone has a connection with her. She communicates in some way with everyone in that group outside of the gathering just about every week. While everyone in the group might draw some sense of connection with Audrey, they would probably not make the same assertion about their relationship with others in the group. She is the relational hub, and I hope happy to be so. But if any of us are to be great leaders, we must move beyond the group experience we are all familiar with.

Consider the ministry of John the Baptist in Luke 3. Luke?s narrative to this point has been about the birth and early childhood of Jesus. The last thing Luke has told us about Jesus was that he “grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men.” (Luke 2:52)

Luke 3:1-16 (NIV)

1 In the fifteenth year of the reign of Tiberius Caesar–when Pontius Pilate was governor of Judea, Herod tetrarch of Galilee, his brother Philip tetrarch of Iturea and Traconitis, and Lysanias tetrarch of Abilene– 2 during the high priesthood of Annas and Caiaphas, the word of God came to John son of Zechariah in the desert. 3 He went into all the country around the Jordan, preaching a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins. 4 As is written in the book of the words of Isaiah the prophet: “A voice of one calling in the desert, ‘Prepare the way for the Lord, make straight paths for him. 5 Every valley shall be filled in, every mountain and hill made low. The crooked roads shall become straight, the rough ways smooth. 6 And all mankind will see God’s salvation.’” 7 John said to the crowds coming out to be baptized by him, “You brood of vipers! Who warned you to flee from the coming wrath? 8 Produce fruit in keeping with repentance. And do not begin to say to yourselves, ‘We have Abraham as our father.’ For I tell you that out of these stones God can raise up children for Abraham. 9 The ax is already at the root of the trees, and every tree that does not produce good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire.” 10 “What should we do then?” the crowd asked. 11 John answered, “The man with two tunics should share with him who has none, and the one who has food should do the same.” 12 Tax collectors also came to be baptized. “Teacher,” they asked, “what should we do?” 13 “Don’t collect any more than you are required to,” he told them. 14 Then some soldiers asked him, “And what should we do?” He replied, “Don’t extort money and don’t accuse people falsely–be content with your pay.” 15 The people were waiting expectantly and were all wondering in their hearts if John might possibly be the Christ. 16 John answered them all, “I baptize you with water. But one more powerful than I will come, the thongs of whose sandals I am not worthy to untie. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and with fire.

Leadership is influence, and John influenced a lot of people with his message in the desert. Matthew?s account of John?s ministry declares,

Matthew 3:5-6 (NIV)

5 People went out to him from Jerusalem and all Judea and the whole region of the Jordan. 6 Confessing their sins, they were baptized by him in the Jordan River.

With great leadership, John taught the people who flocked to the desert to hear him to prepare the way for the Lord and make straight paths for him. He told the religious leaders to bear fruit in keeping with repentance. He told the crowd to share their clothing and their food for those who had none. He told the tax collectors to be honest in their dealings. He told the soldiers not to extort money or accuse people falsely. In summary, his message was, “Repent and change your ways!”

Turn with me now to the disciple John?s account of what happened next:

John 1:29-34 (NIV)

29 The next day John saw Jesus coming toward him and said, “Look, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world! 30 This is the one I meant when I said, ‘A man who comes after me has surpassed me because he was before me.’ 31 I myself did not know him, but the reason I came baptizing with water was that he might be revealed to Israel.” 32 Then John gave this testimony: “I saw the Spirit come down from heaven as a dove and remain on him. 33 I would not have known him, except that the one who sent me to baptize with water told me, ‘The man on whom you see the Spirit come down and remain is he who will baptize with the Holy Spirit.’ 34 I have seen and I testify that this is the Son of God.”

Jesus? ministry began after John baptized Him. After a while, Jesus was out in the Judean countryside with his disciples baptizing people in the same place as John the Baptist. Some of the people familiar with John?s ministry were really troubled by Jesus? presence.

John 3:26-30 (NIV)

26 They came to John and said to him, “Rabbi, that man who was with you on the other side of the Jordan–the one you testified about–well, he is baptizing, and everyone is going to him.” 27 To this John replied, “A man can receive only what is given him from heaven. 28 You yourselves can testify that I said, ‘I am not the Christ but am sent ahead of him.’ 29 The bride belongs to the bridegroom. The friend who attends the bridegroom waits and listens for him, and is full of joy when he hears the bridegroom’s voice. That joy is mine, and it is now complete. 30 He must become greater; I must become less.

With that, John?s ministry began to fade, and eventually he was beheaded. John prepared the way for Jesus, and then Jesus gathered the group of 12 men around him that had the greatest, most lasting impact on the world than any small group in the history of man. In many ways, this group looked much like the model we are all familiar with. Jesus was the center of the group. Throughout the gospels we are treated to a number of lessons and dialogues between Jesus and the twelve that showed he was the relational hub of this group. He was the teacher. He was the leader. He was the bond between them all.

Of course, in most ways, this is also what John?s ministry looked like and what our Koinonia groups look like as well. It would be easy for us to pat ourselves on the back and say, “Well, looky there! We?re doin? ministry just like John the Baptist and Jesus did ministry.” But may I point out one very simple yet critical fact: The model small group was not the one John led, it was the one Jesus led. There was a difference between the two. We learn that from John?s confession: “He must become greater, I must become less.”

bring those in my influence to a place where their spiritual life is lived vicariously through my relationship with Christ. First of all, I am far too imperfect to be anyone?s model. Second, and most important, that?s not at all what Jesus meant for you when He offered His life on a cross to restore you to the Father.

Make no mistake, Jesus is alive and He wants to have a personal, loving, living, and leading relationship with each and every one of us. He also longs to be present as the center of our gatherings, just as He promised, to be light and to give life. He wants to baptize us in the Holy Spirit and fire, so we can have a spirit of wisdom and revelation, living on a completely different level than we?ve ever lived before. When we gather, He wants to pour out spiritual gifts so that we might edify one another, building one another up and making us holy. He wants to give us prophetic words about who He is, what He is doing, and what He is going to do next in our very lives. He wants us to share those words in our gathering. He wants to give us power to be His witnesses in this city and around the world. He wants us to live in intimacy with Him. But He cannot give us these precious gifts until we look beyond the familiar model where some man or woman is at the center and we come together with an expectation that Jesus is the center of the group.

For it is at the center of our begin that Jesus belongs. After all, we were bought with a price ? the price of his own blood. Through him we have been bought back from slavery to our old ways and we have forgiveness for our sins. Now he also gives us the Spirit of sonship that causes us to cry out: “Abba!” “Father!” “Lord.”

Leadership is critical in the church. We need leaders who will prepare the way for the Lord. We need leaders who will counsel us to repent and change our ways. We need leaders who will help us identify Christ when he comes in our midst. Ultimately, though, we need leaders who will say, “He must become greater, I must become less.”

My prayer for you, just as Paul prayed for the Ephesians, is this:

Ephesians 3:16-19 (NIV)

16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge–that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Can anything in life be greater than this? Christ dwelling in your hearts, as together with those in your TLC Group you are able to grasp the love of Christ and be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.